How To Deal With Your Teen’s Low Self-Esteem

By Angela Matthews
Guest contributor

Mental health struggles continue to be a top public health concern. Struggles with self-esteem can even metastasize into more serious issues like depression. According to the National Survey on Drug Use and Health, 12.8% of teens aged 12 to 17 experience a major depressive episode over the course of a year. A number of factors contribute to these conditions in teens, and these factors do not discriminate against gender, race, or socioeconomic classes. Poor self-esteem can stem from a number of sources, from fierce competition in classes to adjusting to new environments, bullying, college pressure, and now, social media. A study by the Population Assessment of Tobacco and Health has even found that adolescents who spend over three hours a day on social media were more likely to internalize their problems. These include depression, anxiety, loneliness, aggression, and antisocial behavior.

It’s a vicious domino effect. When these feelings prove to be far too overwhelming, teens may instead turn to vices like drugs and alcohol to compensate for their lack of self-esteem. In the worst cases, anxiety and depression can lead to self-harm. Intervention from trusted adults then becomes necessary to ensure that teens still see a glimmer of hope ahead of them. Maryville University outlines the newly recognized connections between mental health and learning success, which is why parents, guardians, and educators need to step in and perhaps form a crisis intervention team when they see how the repercussions of self-esteem are detrimental to a teen’s future. There is a lot that these adults can do to reverse negative and toxic behaviors if they take the time to truly learn how their teens feel.

Provide kids with a web of support

Previously in 'New School Year and New Beginnings - 7 Tips for Supporting Teens', the concept of “Anchors” was discussed as a role to be fulfilled by caring and connected adults who can make profound impacts on the lives of the youth. It’s important for teens to feel that they have positive role models whom they can both emulate and trust when things get tough. Parents can meet with teachers, important figures, and other trusted adults to open lines of communication with their teens. It’s even more crucial to have this web of support as a fall back when their child refuses to open up about what’s going on in their lives. Having a web of support ensures that all bases will be covered for when teens need to talk about different aspects of their lives.

Celebrate little victories

High marks, medals, and awards are fundamentally linked to teens’ self-esteem and if they feel that they are lacking these, then they may develop a sense of helplessness and give up on trying altogether. Moreover, this heightens the chances of them comparing themselves to their peers who have these accolades. When teens focus on what they lack or what they are unable to achieve, they will continue to feel inadequate. To encourage and reinforce a better mindset, educators should focus on praising their efforts instead of just the outcomes. Since the outcome can’t always be controlled, it’s good to make them feel like the work they put into whatever they do is already a form of self-empowerment. This will also teach them to be kinder to themselves. Schools should also try not to make a big deal about rankings and numerical scores, but give credit where it's due for more encouragement and motivation.

Set reasonable expectations

A study by Arizona State University found that those who felt persistent pressure from their parents were twice as likely to suffer from anxiety and depression compared to those who didn’t. Parental pressure is good only to the extent that it keeps your children on the right track. This is why teachers should also work on instilling a foundation of self-worth, as it will help them cope with the pressure to succeed in academics and extracurricular activities. If this is secure, then external pressures will not be able to shake the sense of belief that teens have in themselves. For parents to set reasonable expectations, they need to redefine what success means to them, especially if their current definition has nothing to do with empowerment and happiness on their child’s part. Educators must also make it a habit to offer their ears and time if they notice a slip in a student's grades or any changed behavior. All teens may need is another person to talk to if they feel they can't get through to their parents. 

Encourage healthy and positive hobbies and passions

Schools may offer a breeding ground of potential for extracurricular activities. Boosting a teen’s confidence may mean encouraging them to go beyond their comfort zones to try some of them. These could turn into hobbies that also work as positive coping mechanisms and outlets for whatever negative emotions they are currently feeling. When they are able to make the slightest effort to try something new with a little bit of encouragement, then they may have the motivation to pursue it and unleash their potential. Alternatively, if they are already passionate about something, show them that they have your blessing and full confidence in them.

Find a middle ground between setting rules and allowing freedom

While many parents think that constantly looming over their children is the best way of ensuring their success, helicopter parenting actually works against them. A study by Florida State University found that these children were more likely to experience burnout and a rougher transition from school to the real world. When teens feel like they are being micromanaged, this further exacerbates feelings of incompetence and distrust of oneself. Letting them have too much freedom, on the other hand, will teach them that rules don’t apply. Find the middle ground between the two so that they learn to make their own mistakes, while still knowing that they have your support.

Most will agree that their teenage years were a complicated time filled with angst, transition, and confusion. This is why it is very important to help improve your teen’s self-esteem, as they are likely going through the same thing as you did whether you're a parent or an educator. There’s always hope and a silver lining if you commit to seeing it through, and helping them to be a confident young adult. Positive reinforcement is key to helping them on their journey to improving their self-esteem over time.

 Article contributed by Angela Matthews
Exclusively for brightwayslearning.org